Thank you

Unexpected tears streamed down my face uncontrollably as I lowered my head down to a prayer. There I was at a church, a place I never thought I would step in again after what happened in the past. Finally came heart to heart with the Lord. Now it was clear why I had been so lost in life for so long. I had been missing in hope, in faith, estranged with God.

God, I'm so sorry for leaving you abandoned in the back of my mind. I really am. I realized how much I need you now. I was a lost soul in the past, angered by life, unknowing my purpose. Now I feel the inner peace in me. I really want to thank the people who brought me here. I want to thank Nick too.

Leaving all deep thoughts aside let's go to the more shallow part of the day. A&W. That was really hell for me. With lydia being late there was no one I was close to. I felt really awkward. I wanted to be less awkward by trying to socialize around. Be friendlier you know. I looked around me. Yi jun was with her boyfriend so talking to her is kinda out of the question. Nichole was with her cousins. Hezaline was with Siew Yen and Siew Yen was with Hezaline. Ryan Jia Yuan Victor out of question since I knew them already but didn't have anything to say.

So there I was thinking. I could talk to siew yen and hezaline. But what could I talk about? Minecraft? Pokemon? No that's just too weird. People? That would be gossiping. School? Study? Who would talk about that. Bugs? Try to be funny and end up lame? My mind was blank. In the end I just sat there eating my free burger *thanks* miserably. I couldn't finish it because I felt sick from the awful shyness I felt. The thing is they have been a group of friends for so long. I'm the odd one out. I don't know what to say at all. In my mind it was like "go theresa go on and say something don't sit there frowning. Go on, look relaxed." But words couldn't form on my mouth. I was tensed up and vexed at the perplexity of the situation and it showed on my face. 

You see, making friends 1v1 is easy. But when you're the odd one out of a group of people who know each other well, is quite impossible since you don't know who to talk to and what to talk about.  This is not the first time situations like these happened. Honestly I was terrified. Surprisingly victor was the kindest person to me. Very nice of him.

Later at summit I tried to clear away the awkward thoughts in my mind by playing a few games in the arcade. MICHELLE!!! HOW JACK!!! XIAO SEN!! I finally play dao midnight liao. XD. Later I also joined them playing snooker or pool idk what it's called so that I wouldn't be sitting there awkwardly. I was really bad at it. Screwed up the whole game.

I don't know man. Now I know just the extent of awkwardness I can have when it comes to talking to people. This is why I'm a loner XD But it's okay. I know my path in life now. Leaving the church I wasn't as excited or inspired as I thought I would be. I felt drained instead. As if all my thoughts have come concentrated into one big ball and exploded, leaving a behind dark void empty enough to be outshined by the realization of my lack of faith. There shall be no more talks about death and acts of ungratefulness. I know now.