Talks and Haze

Wow finally reached home. Went summit with Joy today. We yamcha and talked. Alot. Heart to heart man. I told her alot of stuff I never told other people. It was really nice you know, finally being able to let out so many stuff I kept inside me. She was a good listener. She told me about her life in Singapore too. I mean I feel so much better now, someone in real life that listens and understands. Lucky weyh cuz I was afraid that this outing would be awkward. But it turned out pretty good. We kinda had alot to say to each other.

And tomorrow we have school. UGH man WHY. This haze holiday was really nice. But I'm quite glad to go back to school la. School is fun. At times :p Maybe not all times la but tomorrow will be damned fun. Alot of stuff to do. YEAA PRODUCTIVITY XD 

Speaking of haze, this year was really the worst. But it's so weird, a person with asthma background like me, should have been half dead by now. But surprisingly I was not affected by the haze at all. Plus the fact that I have been staying outdoors without a mask for this whole week, I really don't understand. Is it my body suddenly gained immunity? That's cool. 

DENSE

Oh god I am so angry right now I can't think properly. My fingers are really shaking and I think I just broke my toilet door kicking it. Damn. Let's see what happened. Apparently someone has been reading my blog and she was SMART enough to think that my previous post was about her. Well let me clarify this here. TAN CZYN MIN YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE READING THIS BUT ONE THING FOR SURE I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU. 

You call me a faker. Why? I was sincere in wanting to be your friend again. I didn't care that you complained about me before in your statuses and blog posts. I just wanted peace. And even though you were the one who was wrong in the first place I let down my ego and asked to be friends again. I could have just left you there alone. 

I don't understand man. I really don't understand. WHY ARE YOU SO DENSE?! You say that I use the virtual world, social network to let out my feelings. Well guess what, aren't you doing the same? AWWW THAT WAS SUCH A SURPRISE WASN'T IT? So I wasn't the only one complaining everything on social networks. You did too. What a hypocrite.

You complain that you have NO FRIENDS. That I was talking behind your back so that everyone would stay away from you. WELL HAVE YOU DONE A SELF CHECK RECENTLY? WHAT IF I TOLD YOU, IT WAS YOUR ATTITUDE THAT MADE EVERYONE FED UP OF YOU.

Calling me an attention grabber, aren't you one yourself too? You're insecure. I can see that. These four years of friendship, it didn't mean anything at all to you? I honestly thought you were my best friend. All that effort put into fixing our friendship, and IT GOES TO WASTE JUST BECAUSE OF A POST WHICH WASN'T EVEN POINTED AT YOUR DIRECTION. How do I feel? I feel alot of feels now.

I'm sick and tired of your whining and drama dy. Don't want to be friends with me? FINE! One more thing ah I NEVER TALK BAD BEHIND YOU BEFORE so think before you accuse me. I'm going to leave you alone. It's not like you're my only friend -.-

Good luck in life, don't even think about coming back again because we're over. You never appreciated this. You may or may not regret it but that is none of my concern. Spend the rest of your school days in bitter resentment. This is your decision. Don't blame us for not being 'friends' with you. GOOD BYE. 

Judgeworthy

Jack came to my house to teach my Dota 2 just now, and honestly I'm in a much better mood that before. *refer to previous post* Dota 2 is so much more harder than League of Legends wey. I see he play also want pengsan dy @@ 

At least life is not hopeless. I still have game to teman me. Don't call me an attention whore for saying  that I play game. At least I don't brag about it all over facebook like some people do. I just say it in my blog because not much people read it and I say what I want to say. Freedom of speech. Ever head of it? I don't think I'm better than the others just because I play games like this. I'm not even doing this for attention what the. I just want to play. Because my friend download for me. It's judgemental people like you guys who make me so frustrated. 

Hey wait I'm supposed to be in a good mood. Screw that again 

Shizz

Skipped campfire night to see brother's competition. Skipped Sports Day to celebrate Father's Day. Honestly nowadays I feel that spending time with family is more worth that spending time in school activities. I feel very detached from school. I just don't like it at all now. I don't think I can repeat this enough, 2013 has been a shit year and being 16 isn't that sweet at all.

Anyways at least I accomplished alot of stuff this week. I don't know la. I'm just not happy at all inside. I don't want to man the hell up anymore. I don't want to cry either. I just wanna screw it up and throw everything away. I don't feel like trying anymore, you know. You are now reading a post of someone who has given up. I am forlorn. I don't know la.

Don't call me unappreciative on life. I appreciate my life alot. I appreciate the people in my life. I just can't bring myself to be happy. What's the right word for it? Empty. Yeah I feel dam empty. Not because I'm heartbroken or whatever, it's just I lost my real smile quite a while ago, I don't know how it happened. I'm aimless. My life is quite a joke. 

One factor is I really can't trust anyone anymore. They assure you of things that ain't true. So what if she says  we're cool? She actually still hates you and wished you'd fall. So what if he says he's glad to have met you? He actually can't wait to have you out of his life. So what if they say you are awesome and funny? They actually think you're damn lame and talk behind you all the time. I'm not sure man. All these possibilities. Everything is fake now. I used to trust so easily. I thought that people meant what they said. Right now whatever people say to assure me, it all sounds like this:

bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit

I don't want to listen to any of you. It's fretful. You never know what is on their mind. Maybe that's the beauty of this world we live in. I wanna scream FUCK YOU ALL and run into the woods. Make friends with bears maybe. At least the most they can do is eat me. It doesn't hurt as much as being backstabbed right? 

I mean, I still look normal. I laugh alot, talk alot. I'm even capable of giving people advice to live and be really happy when I can't even do that myself. Wow what a hypocrite. Well it isn't my fault they come asking me for advice. Maybe I should tell them to screw all that crap in life. Life is a goddamned pain in the ass. Just give up. I hate life. No that's not true. I can't even bring up the energy to hate life. Everything is just meh to me. 

How ironic is it? Everything you say is the opposite to everything you mean.

Don't listen to that shit!! D: I did the exact same thing and see what happened? I was too naive. Too young. Too dumb. To realizeeeeee. LOL

Let's throwback into the bullshit you said :

You're my girl, remember that.

Bullshit. I was never yours. She was yours.

I love you

As a friend!!

I really do like you

pretending to*

Time flies when future cpl talking 

future strangers*

I will never want to see you hurt

Oh you do. You want to see that so badly

I will never make you cry

5 gallons of tears and still counting. It's all for you man

No matter what happens, I will be there for you

I need you now, where the fuck are you?

No you're not annoying, in fact I'm really glad to have someone like you to talk to

Liar weyh damn liar. Your friend told me the truth dy k.

I'm a good guy

BULLSHIT!!!

Wait why is my post steering to this direction? Why am I back to talking about him? I initially came here to say this: My brother was a finalist in Pokemon TCG Championships National!! Woohoo!! He's eligible to enter the World Championships!! That means we might be going to Vancouver baby!! 

Honestly I'm quite surprised because it was my brother's first time joining this kind of competition. I'm proud of him really. But that happiness lasted for a few minutes only. You can't call me selfish for that right? I don't feel like being happy at all. 

Fuck everything. 

Boring post dun read XD

Went to Sunway on Thursday....watched After Earth. I see alot of critics have reviewed it badly and honestly I think it was a nice movie overall, just that it's too predictable. There's not much element of surprise in there, no twist ending. But I liked it, it was entertaining. Saw alot of Seafield people and other school people there too. Well there's one more day before holiday ends and I have to say, I don't know what to feel about that. I love holiday. I love school. Holiday is fun. School is fun. Holiday got one group of friends. School got different group of friends. I dunno la. I also got my x-ray on Thursday, doctor say my leg got some unknown substance inside. She say need send for report. Waaa got so big deal or not wor? In my opinion I think it's just a blood clot la, shud be nothing de. 

That's all for now. LOL this post  boring weyh 

50% of 2013

Haha half my holiday gone le. And half the year also gone. Time really pass too fast. This time holiday I don't know whether I should say it sucks or it's awesome. The bad part about my holiday is my mum wants us to study wtf. Addmaths during holiday? INSANITY!! The good part is I'm not as bored as I used to be in previous holidays. Jia Nean helped download LoL to my comp!!

It was like a ray of sunlight to my dark and silent nights. Before it was downloaded, my holiday nights were really really bad. I couldn't sleep, I had nothing to do except talk on facebook, I felt very depressed and trapped. But with that game, wow at least I have something to do rather than lay around and over think. Haha my first game was really bad. 0 Kill 18 Death 3 Assist 2nd round better la, 1 Kill 10 Death 7 Assist . And then after that I try to keep my deaths around 1.

I like this song!! Now my holidays it's like not much time to do anything. My initial timetable for holiday

Morning: Cycle

Afternoon: Cycle

Evening: Cycle, talk with Michelle and whoever is outside

Night: On9, Download music, Play LoL!!

Honestly there's nothing I want to do except cycle. I can't really go any outing since friends all holiday le zzz And then my parents had different plans so my holiday schedule is like

Morning: Dad bring us out

Afternoon: Mum force us study.

Evening: Dad bring us out

Night: STUDY only then can online

Almost like this everyday loh. 

I really xien liao la. SPM next year ma, please la I just finish exam really want to rest awhile why cannot?? I really dun like to study lah. Who like to study? You also very xien lah, see us study everyday.

 WTH? THIS IS HOLIDAY EH.

HOLIDAY

What is holiday? Definition:- A day of festivity and recreation when no work is done.

See that or notttt. How come we breaking the holiday rules de? And worst thing is, have to sleep at 10/11pm !! walaoo. Last time can sleep at 4am now why like this de :'( But still la this holiday still awesome la.